How many times have you heard “Spare no rod, spoil no child”? This phrase is often the starting point of conversations about discipline in Christian families. If you poll a range of Christian families, there is a high chance that the answers to this question will vary. Listen long enough, and you’ll hear the phrase.
The truth is that this verse does not appear in the Bible. This is a misquote from Proverbs 13:24, which says, “Whoever spares the rod loves his son but he who love him is diligent in disciplining him.”
A comprehensive set of discipline tools accomplishes this. This is done through a set of tools.
The Biblical Origins of “Spare the Rod and spoil the Child.”
The Bible contains historical accounts of ancient Hebrews who valued sheep as an integral part of their agricultural landscape. The shepherds played a vital role in protecting the sheep from predators and guiding them along the way. While the words of the Bible are ancient, their application in modern society is still very relevant.
Shepherds used a staff and a rod as tools to direct sheep. The rod is the source of the concept of spanking. The staff is the best tool in a discipline toolkit. Shepherds use their staff more often than their rods in their work. We should follow suit.
You and your staff, they comfort me?
The rod and staff are comforting in Psalms 23; let’s deconstruct that.
Boundaries are a comfort to everyone. These boundaries are especially comforting for children who are testing the limits of authority and trying to understand their world. You can think of yourself as a shepherd who guides and protects your children.
The shepherd will use his staff to make small corrections to his sheep along the way. This allows him to keep them on the right path. This model can be applied to parenting. Consider your parenting style. You can either guide and redirect the child, or you can tolerate, tolerate, tolerate, and then explode. You may want to learn from the shepherds if you’re the latter.
It takes time and intention to provide that kind of comforting correction, but it pays off in spades. If you correct your child often and early, they will need less correction when they grow up.
A shepherd rarely needs to use a rod to protect or correct his sheep. This is not punishment but a way to protect the sheep. This is correction out of love and concern.
Common Concerns about Biblical Discipline
Proverbs 23:13-14 contains one of the most powerful statements regarding discipline. It states, “Do ,not withhold your discipline from a young child. If you strike him with a stick, he won’t die.” You can save his soul by striking him with a rod.
The focus of this passage should not be the “rod” but rather discipline. The Bible makes it clear that the field involves loving guidance, correction, and teaching.
Personal discipline helps us avoid sinful behaviors, their dangers, their emptiness, and the natural consequences that follow. We should instead pursue real fulfillment and satisfaction by developing a relationship with Christ. Corporate discipline prevents our society from becoming a lawless, selfish, and dysfunctional one.
Remember, we are all children. You can also find out more about the following: parents–highly imperfect beings. We don’t want to raise perfect children, but we do want to help our kids make wise decisions based on Godly wisdom. There are certain circumstances where spanking is appropriate and others when it is not.
This guide will help you answer the question: Is spanking biblical?
Is Spanking Biblical? Spanking is appropriate when:
- It is extremely dangerous to be in this situation
- Disobedient and defiant behavior that is deliberate
- Extremely disrespectful
Is Spanking Biblical? When is spanking not appropriate?
- Simply being childish
- Impulsive
- Accident?
Biblical Principles of Spanking
The Fruit of the Spirit should be the basis of any spanking.
Focus on Love
When done calmly, with explanations and an immediate reconnection, spanking can play a vital role in a loving relationship. Effective spanking is about responding with love and not in fear. Fear that you have lost control over the child you are raising. Outside of a loving relationship, spanking only results in angry children. These kids are more likely than not to rebel against their parents. David, in the Psalms and especially Psalm 119, shows a God that is loving but also trustworthy, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Consider Other Discipline Alternatives Before Spank
A spanking may be necessary when there is an imminent danger, and you want to make sure that the child doesn’t repeat a certain behavior.
Keep your temper in check and avoid anger.
It’s hard! Children know how to press our buttons and can seemly shut down our brains as well as our self-control. You can get your mind back in gear by taking a time-out. This will prevent you from making impulsive and ineffective corrections. See #1 above.
Many of our biggest parenting errors are caused by our fear of losing control or feeling insufficient. Self-control requires us to see the bigger picture and our role as teachers and mentors, helping our children live out God’s purpose for their lives. (Ephesians 2:10).
What is noble is good.
In modern society, spanking is no longer a discipline tool. Focus recommends that spanking be used only for a brief period and at an early age to discipline your child. The Bible does not specify an age range for this kind of discipline. However, developmentally speaking, spanking should only be used between 18 months and six or seven years old. It can cause disconnection and passive-aggressive behaviors after that.
If possible, only spout in private.
You will need to take the time you need to prepare for this important teaching time. There are rare occasions when a spanking can be given immediately. For example, if your child is running out in the street. A spanking is a good way to remind your child that this behavior will not be tolerated in the future.
It’s hard to predict the future of parenting, but you can be sure that your efforts to teach and guide will pay off in the form of grown children you love to spend time with.
