By the age of 3, you might be an expert at handling temper tantrums. Tantrums can happen anywhere, even at home. They may also occur when you are not expecting them. In the early years, it’s normal to be alert.
You might be wondering, as your child grows older, how long tantrums can last and if their behavior is considered normal.
You can see the light at the other end of the dark tunnel. Find out more about tantrums in this age group, including what they look and feel like, how to deal with them, as well as when you should make an appointment with your doctor.
Why it is happening
Your preschooler is full of opinions and feelings, and they have a growing need for independence.
Tantrums can happen when a child doesn’t understand how to express themselves or when they are unable to complete a task they want to perform. Outbursts can also occur when your child feels particularly tired, sick, or hungry.
Tantrums can start around the first birthday, and they may continue for as long as 2 or 3 years old. You may be worried that your child is out of control or that tantrums could cause harm. Your 3-year-old may be exhibiting tantrums that you fear are an indication of something else.
Tantrums in young children are common. Once your child can better express their needs and feelings, tantrums should diminish.
Types tantrums
Understanding tantrums will help you to understand what your child wants to say.
Barton Schmitt MD, author of “My Child is Sick!,” classifies them into the following categories:
- Frustration Tantrums can happen throughout the day when your child feels frustrated about something. Consider that 3-year-olds have big ideas. It can be very upsetting when they are unable to express themselves through writing or speech or if they cannot complete a task that they have set out to do. Result: Tantrum!
- Fatigue Tantrums are a result of your child’s sleep patterns. If your child is tired and cranky, they may tend to throw tantrums. Tiredness, or being sick, hungry, etc., can all contribute to tantrums.
- Attention-seeking Tantrums occur when your child is trying to force their will on a situation. They can also be called demand tantrums because the child will cry, whine, or slam a door when they get what they want. Example: Wanting to play outside despite the rain or wanting to come with you to work instead of staying at home with your childcare provider.
- Avoidance Tantrums occur when your child refuses to do something, whether it is important, like brushing teeth or not.
- Disruptive Tantrums aim to grab your attention. These tantrums may include hitting or clinging to you, damaging the environment in some way, or throwing objects. Your child may scream and yell continuously for long periods. This can happen in public places, such as a store or restaurant.
- Rage Tantrums can be very upsetting to both you and your kid. The features include screaming, loss of control, and even possible self-harm.
You may not be able to tell if a child is having a temper tantrum by just looking at it. You may begin to notice patterns over time (such as before bedtime or in between meals) or in certain situations (such as going to preschool or in a toy shop).
When a disaster occurs, what to do
You’ll first want to ensure that your child is protected. This may include physically removing the child from where they are having their tantrum, especially if it’s a rage tantrum.
If you are worried about injury, it is best to keep your child close.
Look away
Staying calm and ignoring the tantrum behavior is the best way to handle it. Ignoring your child’s tantrum will take away the attention they are trying to gain. You’ll also want to pay attention while “ignoring” to ensure your child’s safety.
Redirect
You might be able, if you catch the tantrum early enough on, to divert your child’s focus to another activity or task. This is a great way to deal with tantrums caused by frustration.
Consider directing your child’s attention to another toy or game that is age-appropriate. You can also change your location if you are in public to avoid an environment that triggers tantrums, such as a swing set.
Feelings expressed in words
The advantage of teaching your three-year-old how to deal with their big emotions is that they are more mature. Try saying, “Temper tantrums will not get your mommy’s full attention.” After your child has calmed down a little bit, we can use words to express our feelings.
This will not immediately lead to your child expressing their emotions verbally, but you’ll start the work necessary for them.
Take a break
You may wish to give your child some time out if the tantrum is violent or disruptive.
A time-out is appropriate for children between the ages of 2-5 minutes, or about a minute per child. If you think it is a safe place, then send your child into their room or to a designated area.
Model good coping skills
It is also worth considering how you deal with your problems during the day. Your child is watching you. If you are prone to frequent outbursts, then try to take a step back.
When your child calms down after a tantrum (without giving in to whatever triggered the tantrum), be sure to compliment them on their progress.
Consistency is key
Consistency is the key to success. Even though it can be exhausting to feel like your child is always having tantrums, you must remain consistent.
You will teach your child what to do when they lose it. If you use new techniques like encouraging words to help them, they will get more practice in these important resolution skills.
