What is a child with a strong will? Parents may call their children “difficult,” “stubborn,” or, more positively, “spirited.” We could also view strong-willed children as individuals of integrity who don’t change their minds easily. Children with strong wills are courageous and spirited. They prefer to test limits than accept what others have said. They like to “be in charge” and sometimes will put their “right” over everything else. Their brains have trouble switching gears when their hearts are set on something. Strong-willed children have strong, passionate emotions and live life at full speed.
Most children who are labeled as “strong-willed,” in reality, are highly sensitive. Their nervous system is more susceptible to dysregulation. They are also more likely to react negatively. They overreact when something upsets them and become defensive. If you have a strong-willed child, you might want to consider whether they would cooperate more if their sense of security was increased and they felt heard and supported.
Children with strong wills are more likely to engage in power struggles with their parents. It takes two people to start a power battle. It’s not necessary to be present at every argument. By taking a deep breath and remembering that your child can still have their face saved and get what they wants, it is possible to avoid power struggles. Don’t act like a child when your four-year-old is around.
Strong-willed children find it difficult to accept being told what they should do. By helping their child to feel understood, parents can avoid power struggles. Try empathizing with the child, offering choices, and understanding respect is mutual. Instead of laying out the law, look for win-win solutions. This will keep strong-willed kids from exploding and teach them negotiation and compromise skills.
Children with strong wills aren’t being stubborn. If they are forced to obey another person, they feel that their integrity has been compromised. They love to cooperate if they can choose. You may be upset because obedience is a quality you value. I would ask you to reconsider. You want your child to be responsible, considerate, and cooperative, who will do the right thing even when it is difficult. This does not imply obedience. This means that you are doing what is right because you desire to do so.
You want your child, of course, to obey you. Not because he is obedient – meaning he does everything someone higher tells him. You want him to follow you because he knows that you are always looking out for his best interest, even if you don’t always agree with what he asks. You want your child to have self-discipline and responsibility. He should also be considerate. And most importantly, he must have the discernment to know who to trust and when to listen to others.
By breaking a child’s free will, you leave him vulnerable to influence from others who may not always be in his best interests. It’s also a breach of the contract that we as parents make with our children.
Can peaceful parenting be used with strong-willed children? YES! Three big ideas are at the heart of peaceful parenting:
- Regulate yourself. This will help you to calm down your strong-willed child. It creates a sense of safety and de-escalates a situation, which in turn calms the nervous system. It also teaches your child to control their emotions.
- Make a connection with your child. You can’t force a child to conform, so you need to make a connection.
- Please encourage your child to be the best version of themselves. It includes emotional coaching to help your child deal with strong emotions and create an environment where your child can thrive. (This means setting up a routine, allowing your child more autonomy, and establishing reasonable bedtimes. This includes establishing limits clearly and firmly while maintaining empathy. For example, “You don’t really want to tidy up your toys or get ready for bed.” I understand you. It’s time. “Let’s work together.” With strong-willed children, fussing about your limits is not a good idea. Punishment is also not effective because it focuses the child on what has been done to them instead of how they can do better. This leads to more opposition and less cooperation.
Yes, peaceful parenting is the best approach to parenting for children with strong wills. Strong-willed children can be challenging, high-energy, persistent, and sensitive. How can we encourage them to cooperate while protecting their wonderful qualities?
Your strong-willed, spirited child: Tips for peaceful parenting
Keep in mind that children with strong wills are often highly sensitive.
This means that their nervous system is easily dysregulated, and they need you to help them feel calm and safe. Take a deep breath and relax when your child is agitated about something.
Listen to your children so that they will feel heard and not have to escalate. It’s not necessary to change your stance, but it is important to acknowledge the viewpoint of your child. You don’t have to give your child everything they ask for, but you do need to listen to them.
Remember that your child’s forcefulness is not an indication of strength but rather a sign of vulnerability. Your child will feel safer if you connect with them and reassure them. This means less defiance and opposition. Defiance is not a problem of discipline. This is a problem with the relationship. You are the half of that relationship! Your child will change when you, or you, stay calm and warm in the toughest moments.
Your child’s strong-willed nature makes him a good experiential learner.
They have to check for themselves whether the stove is hot. If you are not worried about serious injuries, then it is better to let your child learn by himself rather than trying to control him. You can expect a strong-willed kid to push your boundaries repeatedly. That’s the way he will learn. You can stay calmer once you’ve figured this out. This will prevent damage to your relationship and your nerves.
