Motherhood Tendencies
Although every mother is unique, most mothers go through the same stages of motherhood. These four trends are expected for moms:
- It is possible to move from being restrictive to being more permissive.
- Instead of becoming anxious or fearful, be confident and relaxed.
- Change from being child-focused to being others-focused
- It is time to move from consultant to advisor.
For most mothers, these four tendencies result from regular family and child development. Because infants have limited abilities, mothers tend to be more restrictive. As children get older and more independent, it is okay to reduce restrictions.
Although we know that most mothers have these tendencies, some circumstances can make the mother’s journey more complicated. A mom might get stuck due to pregnancy losses, a child, or the mother’s mental illness, disability, trauma, or adoption.
Pregnancy
A woman’s birth or adoption can be frightening, joyful, or both. The mother’s primary focus during pregnancy is to plan for the future. The mother realizes that the baby’s health during pregnancy and after birth is directly related to her health.
There are many opinions on what mothers should do to ensure their children’s safety. Fear can be fuelled by the never-ending list of things mothers should do for their children’s health. This can lead women to shift their focus from the developing baby’s health to the needs of her child after she is born.
After Birth
A mother’s focus after giving birth is on her baby’s needs. Infants are powerless and need love and care. Infant mothers often find themselves in a dance between joy and exhaustion. Many parents recall their infant’s first three months as a magical time. However, they also often confess that they were never so exhausted.
The well-being of a new mom must keep in touch with her spouse and other loved ones during this challenging and exciting time. She must be mindful of other aspects of her life to nurture her baby.
These same patterns are more common for mothers as they add children to their families. However, the extent of these experiences is lessened. A mom’s personal restrictions on her child or herself may be less severe as she has more children. Mothers with more children or older will likely be tired and require more rest because they are responsible for more children.
Constant adjustments in motherhood
Mothering at this stage requires constant adjustments. It is incredible how quickly the child changes! Between 1 and 2 years old, her unique personality and independence present many challenges. It is now possible to notice intentional behaviors rather than the infant’s natural reactions. Moms face the challenge of setting limits for the first time since the birth of their child. Moms must adjust to a new concept called discipline.
All mothers with children know that setting limits and consequences can be difficult. This is because kids change and grow, so adjusting is essential. Moms can find this frustrating as the same limits that worked one month might not work the next. Moms may think they can handle toddler tantrums, but the child’s behavior changes. The mom must also change her strategy. This is when many moms fall pregnant with their second child. Additional adjustments may be required if this happens.
Mothers need adult interaction.
As you have probably noticed, we have only been talking about moms up to this point. Mothers are often so focused on their babies that they neglect their husbands. Because young children need so much care, this is partly why they are so focused. During this period of early childhood, moms and fathers can become distant.
Mothers need to have the support and interaction of their husbands. Many moms of toddlers feel like they have lost their identity as adults because they constantly interact with their children. Mothers need to spend time with their husbands and have them participate in childcare. Often, the family relationship begins with the husband and the wife and ends when the children move out. Maintaining a healthy relationship between husband and wife is essential after the children leave.
After four years, children start to venture further from their homes. Daycare children spend much time away. Children who are home with their mothers more often get involved in activities. This means there are more influences outside of the home.
Mothers can feel stressed if their children are with them all the time. In these situations, it is beneficial for moms to get involved in their children’s activities as much as possible. By participating in the activities, moms can influence positive aspects and address problems.
How to manage school schedules
Moms working outside the home may worry about finding time with their children after school starts. She may have to leave before or after school starts and ends. Her children may be able to stay up later so she can connect with them. Children need to get enough rest to prepare for the next school day.
This stage of motherhood is all about school. Moms should explore the possibility of reducing their work hours and changing their schedules to be available to their children when convenient. Children do better at school if their parents help with homework and work with school staff to maximize their academic success.
Moms are often confronted with their children’s successes and failures as they become more independent and self-reliant. Moms tend to try to save their children when they are in trouble, but it is essential that the child can fail.
It can be vital for mothers to make friendships with other moms during this time in a child’s and mother’s lives. These friendships can be a great way to help each other navigate the unique challenges each child will face. These friendships will be significant for moms as they help them to overcome anxiety and gain confidence as their children enter the tween years and into adulthood.
Mothers with children in this age group are subject to change. Mothers can feel confused as their child’s behavior, appearance, and sound may change from month to month. Many moms enjoy this stage of motherhood.
It was fascinating to see my daughters grow up and learn, and it was also fascinating to observe their weaknesses and strengths. There were many joys and also some painful disappointments. There were periods of apparent growth followed by periods without apparent growth. Sometimes it was childlike behavior followed by moments when one reached maturity.
To allow their children to grow toward puberty, moms must let go of the rules they had to follow when they were younger. As they approach midlife, mothers may experience changes in their bodies. As they deal with emotional and social challenges with their children, moms might have more conflict with their spouses and may disagree on how to intervene. This stage is a good time for dads and moms to learn to resolve conflicts and negotiate.
Ironically, this stage of motherhood requires moms to let go of their children but be more available to them. As their children reach their teen years, a mother’s role is to guide them so they can make the right decisions. They will learn how to solve problems by allowing their failures to be acknowledged and learning from them.
This process of learning requires lots of input from mom. It has to be the correct type of input. Mothers should be there to support, encourage, question, offer suggestions, and intervene when necessary. She must avoid being too protective, controlling, manipulative, or lecturing. Moms at this stage should work with their children to identify viable solutions when real dangers are present.
How to Deal with Dangers
Teens are exposed to potentially more dangerous situations by driving, working, and traveling. Mothers can find themselves in a scary place. The fear of losing control over the environment her children are exposed to is more frightening than worrying about whether she has missed something. Teens may face more severe consequences than young children. Long-term, sometimes irreversible damage can often be caused by accidents, drug abuse, mental problems, and sexually transmitted diseases.
Moms need to accept their teenage children as the sexual beings that they are. To manage their sexuality responsibly, kids need support from their parents. Talking about sex at a younger age is better, but this stage allows for honest conversations about sexual behavior. These conversations can be unpleasant or fun, depending on how the mom views her teenager’s sexuality.
We have the option to choose how we view our teenage children at this stage of motherhood. It is better to focus on the positive aspects of teenagers than worry about them. Mothers more open to reuniting with lost friends can have more chances to do so by adopting a more relaxed approach. They can also pursue their own goals. Moms in this stage can benefit from shifting their focus away from their children to being more focused on the needs of others.
Most published books on the stages and challenges of motherhood conclude at age 18. Many moms will tell you that their concerns and need for engagement with their children increase after eighteen.
These are crucial times when many life-changing decisions are made. These decisions can be discussed with parents, benefiting emerging adults greatly. Mothers have served as advisors up until now. Mothers have provided input to help their children make informed decisions and keep them safe. A mother’s role is now that of a consultant after age 18. For their children to make informed decisions, moms can share information from their own lives. These decisions might be different from what the mother would have made. Emerging adults must be able to make mistakes and learn from them.
Mothers can spend this time with their children. When my first child was born, I felt sad. I was afraid I would not be able to continue raising one child. As my other children went to college, I realized I could do it. It was a pleasure to spend time with my younger daughter after her sister went off to college.
Moms can now spend more time with their children, engage in new hobbies, and focus on their passions.
Raising Children at Different Stages
Since the mid-1970s, the average number of children in a family in the United States has hovered at around two. This is a general trend and only a partial picture of some families. This statistic does not consider blended families, which can include children from different families.
Motherhood is more enjoyable when different stages are experienced at once. Moms often switch between the different stages of motherhood as they need. As a mom gets more experience and has more children, she is less afraid and more confident. Moms exposed to many friends and parents and participating in more activities are likely to grow their social networks.
Enjoy the joy of motherhood.
Mothers face many joys and challenges while raising their children. Although we hear so much about the problems parents may encounter with their children, it is essential to remember that many children are resilient. As kids grow up, many of these problems can be overcome. It is essential to address problems when they occur. Moms should remember to enjoy motherhood at every age and stage.
